In this very funny pun compilation, we have come up with and collected the best james bond puns, dad jokes and wordplay to make you LOL.
“Shaken, Not Stirred: The Top James Bond Puns”
1. Why did James Bond open a bakery? Because he wanted to make quiche, another day.
2. What’s James Bond’s favorite type of music? Spy-fi.
3. Why did James Bond break up with his girlfriend? He found out she was a double agent.
4. How does James Bond like his toast? Secretly.
5. What do you call a female James Bond? Jane Bond.
6. Why did James Bond go to the dentist? To get his Goldeneye checked.
7. What do you call an undercover detective who loves tea? A Brew-7 Agent.
8. Why did James Bond never play hide and seek? Because good spies always keep an eye on the hidden.
9. How does James Bond like his coffee? Decaffeinated, not declassified.
10. Why did James Bond go to therapy? He’s shaken, not stirred.
“License to Kill…with Laughter: Hilarious Bond Dad Jokes”
1. What did James Bond say to the bartender? I’ll have a martini, but keep it under surveillance.
2. Why did James Bond take up gardening? To plant bugs and stake out the enemy.
3. How does James Bond keep his cars in top condition? He uses Q-tips.
4. Why did James Bond switch careers? He wanted to go undercover as a stand-up comedian.
5. What does James Bond do when he’s running late? He takes a Quantum of Solace in that fact.
6. What’s James Bond’s favorite social media platform? Spy-stagram.
7. Why did James Bond become a chef? Because he couldn’t resist the temptation of making a golden crust.
8. How does James Bond like his eggs? Undercover.
9. Why did James Bond get a cat? For purr-suasive tactics.
10. What does James Bond do when he gets a cold? He takes His Majesty’s Secret Cough Drops.
“007 Wordplays: Puns Fit for MI6”
1. Why did James Bond start a farming business? He wanted to experience Fields of Gold-finger.
2. How did James Bond become a millionaire? He won the Jackpot, Royale.
3. Why did James Bond visit the doctor? To get a Bond-aid.
4. What does James Bond say to misbehaving children? Stop 007-ing out.
5. Why did James Bond break up with his GPS? It kept telling him to turn right, but he always turned left.
6. What does James Bond use on his pasta? License to grill.
7. Why did James Bond win the poker game? He had the Ace of Spies up his sleeve.
8. How does James Bond stay healthy? He practices Double O-Chi.
9. Why did James Bond quit his job as a chemist? He couldn’t handle all the reactions.
10. What’s James Bond’s favorite board game? Monopoly, but he always goes directly to jail.
“From Russia with Pun: The Best James Bond Wordplays”
1. Why did James Bond get a second job as a locksmith? He wanted to crack the secret code.
2. How does James Bond like his sandwiches? With a side of Double O rings.
3. What does James Bond say when he’s playing hide and seek? You’ll always get found, spectre-acularly.
4. Why did James Bond become a magician? He wanted to pull off the ultimate illusion.
5. What’s James Bond’s favorite type of sandwich? Espionage-bread.
6. Why did James Bond study martial arts? To perfect his secret chops.
7. What does James Bond say after a successful mission? Another one bites the dust, Blofeld.
8. Why did James Bond visit the beach? To catch some golden rays.
9. How does James Bond like his steak? Medium-rare, like his missions.
10. What’s James Bond’s favorite dessert? Golden-eye scream.
“The Spy Who Punned Me: Funny Bond Jokes Guaranteed to Make You Laugh”
1. Why did James Bond start a clothing line? He wanted to make fashionable spy-wear.
2. What’s James Bond’s favorite restaurant? The Spy-ce Garden.
3. Why did James Bond become a construction worker? He wanted to build the perfect alibi.
4. How does James Bond like his pizza? With an extra layer of secrecy.
5. What does James Bond say after a successful car chase? You only rear-end twice.
6. Why did James Bond start a band? He wanted to become a secret agent of rock.
7. What’s James Bond’s favorite holiday? New Year’s EVE-l.
8. Why did James Bond go to the zoo? To investigate the monkey business.
9. How does James Bond like his tea? Infinitely brewed.
10. Why did James Bond learn to play the guitar? To pick up some secret chords.