In this very funny pun compilation, we have come up with and collected the best divorce puns, dad jokes and wordplay to make you LOL.
Splitting Up the Laughs: The Top Divorce Puns and Wordplays
1. Why did the divorce lawyer go to the bar? To raise the bar on legal jokes.
2. Marriage is grand, but divorce is a hundred grand.
3. What do you call an engagement ring after a divorce? A promise ring.
4. I used to be happily married, but then we got divorced. Now I’m happily divorced.
5. Why did the newly divorced couple go to the baseball game? They heard it was a great way to strike out.
6. What’s a divorce’s favorite kitchen appliance? The ex-tracto.
7. My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better.
8. Why did the accountant get a divorce? He couldn’t balance the books in his marriage.
9. How do you know it’s time for a divorce? When you start counting the hours until your spouse leaves for work.
10. Divorce is like algebra. You look at your X and wonder Y.
Laughing Through Heartbreak: Hilarious Dad Jokes About Divorce
1. What’s a divorce lawyer’s favorite sport? Split decision.
2. Why don’t divorces ever work out at the gym? Too many weighty issues.
3. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug and said, “I married you.”
4. Why did the husband bring a ladder to the divorce proceedings? He heard it was a high-stakes case.
5. Why was the math textbook sad after the divorce? It had too many problems.
6. Why did the divorcee get a dog? They needed someone to fetch their happiness.
7. How do you know a marriage is ending? Your spouse starts referring to the dog as “our” dog.
8. Why do divorce lawyers make good comedians? They know how to deliver a punchline.
9. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
10. Why did the divorcee start a bakery? They kneaded some dough.
Love Lost, Jokes Found: Funny Pun-filled Quotes About Separation
1. Divorce is a legal separation where you exchange problems for expenses.
2. My ex-wife told me I’d never find anyone as great as her. I hope she’s right.
3. Why was the dictionary sad after the divorce? It had to remove the word “love.”
4. Why did the coffee file for divorce? It couldn’t handle the daily grind.
5. Divorces are like earthquakes. They both leave you with a shaky foundation.
6. My wife told me to pack my bags and go. I told her the bags under my eyes are designer.
7. What do you call a married couple on the verge of divorce? Ex-spouses-to-be.
8. The bakery had to stop selling wedding cakes after a string of divorces. It was a cake-tastrophe.
9. Why did the divorce lawyer go to therapy? To cope with all the unresolved issues.
10. Why did the divorcee open a landscaping business? They wanted to turn over a new leaf.
Parting Ways with a Giggle: The Best Wordplays on Divorce
1. Why did the divorcee become a musician? They needed a new solo act.
2. Divorce is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but end up looking for a club and a spade.
3. Why did the husband paint his lawn white after the divorce? He wanted a fresh start.
4. What’s a divorce lawyer’s favorite movie? The Split.
5. I used to be a baker, but my marriage was toast.
6. Why did the divorcee get a pet duck? They heard it was good for a quack up.
7. Divorce is like a hurricane. You can either rebuild or move to a new state.
8. My wife complains I never listen to her. Or something like that.
9. What’s a divorcee’s favorite hobby? Un-tangling Christmas lights.
10. Why did the couple who own a bakery get divorced? They couldn’t find a recipe for a happy marriage.
When Life Gives You Lemons… Make Divorce Puns! The Funniest Jokes to Brighten Your Day
1. Why did the husband bring a map to the divorce lawyer? He needed directions on where to go from here.
2. What’s a divorcee’s favorite fruit? Split-peas.
3. My wife said she wanted to see other men. On a side note, she now has a restraining order against me.
4. Why was the movie theater a popular spot for divorcing couples? They could always agree on the popcorn.
5. Why did the divorcee become a hairdresser? They needed to cut their losses.
6. Divorce is like a French film. You may not understand all of it, but it’s still emotionally draining.
7. Why did the divorcee start a garden? They needed to plant new roots.
8. My wife told me it’s time for her to move on. I said, “Don’t forget to forward your mail.”
9. What’s a divorce lawyer’s favorite type of music? Adele – someone like you.
10. Divorce is like a fine wine. It gets better with time, but sometimes you just need to uncork it and let it breathe.