In this very funny pun compilation, we have come up with and collected the best bible puns, dad jokes and wordplay to make you LOL.
Punny Parables: Hilarious Bible Wordplays
1. Why was Noah the best businessman in the Bible? He was always floating his stock.
2. If Adam and Eve were Chinese, what would they be called? A-Dumpling and E-Veggie.
3. Did you hear about the procrastinating prophet? He was Jonah-time!
4. What kind of car did the disciples drive? A Honda, because they were all in one Accord.
5. Why did Moses and Aaron start a band? They heard the Canaanites were great at Rock n’ Roll.
6. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
7. Why do they make applesauce in the Garden of Eden? Because Eve had a sin a-cider.
8. What do you call someone who steals a donkey? A horse thief.
9. How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman? Because his net income was huge.
10. Why did the Pharisee cross the road? To explain why the Samaritan didn’t help the man who fell among thieves.
Top 10 Dad Jokes from the Good Book
1. Why was Goliath so surprised when David defeated him? He never saw it coming.
2. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
3. How do we know Peter was a coffee connoisseur? He’s always seen with his Java.
4. Why do we never see elephants hiding in trees? They’re really good at it.
5. What sport is played in the Garden of Eden? Fruitball.
6. Why did the Bible get a ticket? Because it broke the law of gravity.
7. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
8. What do you call two spiders who just got married? Newlywebbed.
9. Why did the fig tree go to the doctor? It was feeling fig-leaf.
10. What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
Laugh Out Loud: Funny Bible Puns That Will Have You in Stitches
1. What do you get when you cross a famous pharaoh with a skunk? Tutu stinky.
2. Why was the math book sad? So many problems.
3. Why did the strawberry go to the doctor? It was feeling berry sick.
4. Why did Sarah laugh when God told her she would bear a son? Because she was an old crone.
5. Why do melons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
6. Why was the Bible tired on Sunday? It had been “hard at it” six days.
7. Why is a baseball team similar to a pancake? Because they both need a good batter.
8. Why did Jesus pay the parking fine? Because he was tied up with other commitments.
9. Why was the math book sad? So many problems.
10. Why do Dalmatians not go to heaven? Because heaven is for good boys.
Heavenly Humor: The Best Bible Puns Guaranteed to Make You Smile
1. Why did Jesus endorse all those products? Because he was the first brand advocate.
2. What kind of car did the apostles drive? A Honda, because the Apostles were all in one Accord.
3. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? Samson. He brought the house down.
4. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
5. Why did the Israelites wander the desert for 40 years? Because Moses was a man and refused to ask for directions.
6. What did Joseph do when he came across a huge chunk of pyrite? He exclaimed, “It’s a good Ol’ Piece of God!”
7. Why did the Bible win an award? It was the good book.
8. Why was Jonah the best comedian? Because he kept the audience in stitches.
9. Why do angels never go on farewell tours? Because they don’t need goodbyes.
10. Why was the Bible detective called to the scene? To solve the missing persons of Israel.