In this very funny pun compilation, we have come up with and collected the best criminal puns, dad jokes and wordplay to make you LOL.
Criminal Puns That Are Guilty of Being Hilarious
1. Why did the burglar break into the bakery? He kneaded the dough.
2. I used to be a bank teller, but I lost interest.
3. The thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
4. The criminal who stole a lamp was delighted – it was light in weight.
5. How does a lawyer say goodbye? Au voir.
6. Why don’t robbers like to go to baseball games? Because they always get caught stealing bases.
7. I told a joke about a bank, but it didn’t make any interest.
8. The criminal’s favorite yoga position? The cell-fie.
9. Why did the burglar take a bath before he stole from the store? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
10. The criminal’s favorite dog breed? The robber retriever.
Unbeatable Wordplay: The Best Criminal Dad Jokes
1. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke up the next day – it was a nap.
2. Why did the burglar take a shower before robbing a house? He wanted to make a clean escape.
3. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
4. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
5. Why do criminals take baths before robbing a house? They want to make a clean getaway.
6. Why do police officers carry tiny notebooks? They like to write small crimes.
7. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
8. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.
9. Did you hear about the mathematician who stole a drone? He was arrested for pi-loting without a license.
10. Why do robberies happen in the summer? Because the criminals like to stay cool.
Funny Felony Punishments: Laughing All the Way to Jail
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. How do criminals use math in jail? They count their sentence.
3. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
4. What kind of car does a Jedi drive? A Toy-Yoda.
5. Why was the math teacher late for school? She took the rhombus.
6. What’s the best way to watch someone vacuum? Live-streaming.
7. Why was the music teacher locked out of the classroom? They lost their keys.
8. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
9. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
10. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
Breaking the Law with Laughter: Top Criminal Pun One-Liners
1. What do you call a fake pasta? An impasta.
2. Why did the burglar take a bath before robbing the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
3. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
4. Why did the pilates teacher go to jail? Committing unlicensed stretches.
5. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive criminal record? A jail-oh-saurus.
6. Why did the criminal get a new fridge? They needed some cool time.
7. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
8. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
9. How do you communicate with a fish? Drop it a line.
10. What’s an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer? The space bar.
From Robberies to Word-Robbery: The Ultimate List of Criminal Puns
1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? They make up everything.
2. Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.
3. Why was the math teacher late to meet her student? She took a rhombus.
4. Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
5. Why do bees have sticky hair? They use honeycombs.
6. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
7. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? It was always spotted.
8. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
9. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
10. What do you call a group of killer whales playing music? An orca-stra.